Everybody knows what happens when you drink a beer. Among other things, it makes you have to pee. I did in fact know this at the time. Though I was 16 my parents had allowed alcohol on trips abroad as a part of the travel experience. This story takes place in Botswana. On a boat.
The group settled into the rows of plastic chairs arranged on the boat and began our Chobe river safari cruise. Right away we spotted a baby elephant bathing itself by the side of the river. It was collecting water with its trunk and spraying it on his back just like you would see in a documentary. Many of us were enamored by this new experience. Even though we had seen many elephants previously, seeing this young one taking a bath was easy enjoy.
We floated calmly down the river, stopping periodically for crocodiles or more elephants swimming along beside us. Drinks were handed out and I took a beer out of habit, not thinking much of it. This was my mistake. I think everyone knows where this story is going. I told my mom that I had to pee and if she would ask if there was a bathroom on the boat or how long we would remain on the river. There was no bathroom. The time on the river was undetermined, but probably at least an hour. After about half an hour I had to pee so badly that I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. I thought, this is it. Here I am in Botswana and I am destined to die of an over full bladder. I whispered to my mom that I didn’t think I could hold it much longer and she got up and discretely told the captain.
Being in the middle of a river in Botswana I wasn’t sure what this boat captain was going to do. It’s not like there were toilets out there. After what felt like an eternity the captain started to float the boat towards a small island in the middle of the river. As soon as we began heading towards it, I knew what was going to happen. My heart sunk at what I would have to do, but I had to pee so bad it almost didn’t matter. Most of the tour members weren’t paying attention and when we bobbed up against the shore, I pleaded for my mom to come with me. She jumped down first and immediately sunk deep into the mud. It was quite a mess but luckily for me it was so funny watching her dig her shoes out of the mud that all the tour members were paying attention to her and not me scurrying off into the bushes.
I was trying to find a place that was out of sight of the boat when the captain yelled, “not too far.” This is when I was reminded that I was in fact in Africa on an island that could very well be home to snakes, hippos, or any other safari animal you could think of. I squatted right there, covered by tufts of long grass but not as much as I would have liked, and tried not to think of all the things that could pop out of the grass and eat me. When I returned my mom had just gotten herself unstuck from the mud and most people hadn’t noticed where I had gone or why we had even stopped.
I learned later that the Chobe River is the river that separates Botswana from Namibia, so it turns out I probably peed on an island that wasn’t even designated as a country. Who knows? Looking back its easy to laugh about, its quite the story. When I was 16, I drank a beer on a boat and had to go pee on a tiny island in the middle of a river in Africa. Pro tip, don’t drink anything on a boat before asking about a toilet.
If you're interested in learning more about Southern Africa tune into “Where in the World” on Facebook next week beginning March 15th. The program is run on Sarah Murdoch’s page Adventures with Sarah
